helloooooooo there

I decided that after I fall in love and that lucky man proposes to me and has a huge rock for me (not really, I dont want a diamond) that I want to elope. I think it would be so fun and I don't want to tell anyone until I am home from Vegas and I think it's a great idea!

I got a new journal so I havent been much into writing on here. My journal is so cool and i am not much of a journaler but i got this One Line A Day journal and it is so awesome. There is space to write one line a day for each day of the year for five years. I am excited this time next year to read my thoughts from today. It will be neat to see how much I have grown and to remember things from the past.  It is only one line so i don't feel intimidated by it. I know the fruit of journaling but it takes so long to write things out.  I have also started a journal writing to my future hubby. It is just prayers that I  have for him. I have always been not a fan of that and more of a fan of living in the moment but it is a good way to speak my desires for my future in a hopeful way. I know God provides for me just what I need each day, and today I do not need a boyfriend (I love living with girls sooo much) and by me writing in this book I am able to be single and love it and know that my future looks bright but so does today (not literally it was so rainy out)...

I realized today on the phone with Julie that I am not much of a giver. I bought a cheap blow dryer while my new really expensive one was in the mail (I dropped mine and it broke so I had to get a new one) and my teacher asked if she could have my cheap one and I said yes and then she asked if she could pay me for it and I said no but I really did want her to... so weird. Anyways to make a short story long I would rather give then receive and I barely feel glad when I do give, I always do it dragging my feet and clenching onto God, trusting I will get something out of it eventually.  Praying that the Lord will change that in me. I want to be a cheerful giver.

I do love giving my opinions though, if that counts for anything!!

i know what you are thinking

you are thinking one of two things.... 1. carolyn, we get it you think you are pretty stop putting pictures of yourself  or 2. carolyn is obsessed with julie burton...

Well cat is out of the bag (whatever that means?? who keeps cats in bags??) i think julie is insane! but i ahve barely met a person who knows her that doesn't think she is extraordinarily special... anyways, look at these hairclips she made me and buy them for yourself on her very own etsy site!!  dude hurry before julie finds out how awesome these are and jacks her prices designer label style...

which clip is your favorite???

(sorry for my closet mess....)

i cant stop thinking of different ways to wear this feather one....

you could be this happy and cute if you have this in your hair.

THESE ARE SOOOO COOL!!

two images that i love... in order of how much i love them~~

My friend Julie is an amazing artist.  I hope that she can find her niche in doing art because she is so good at it and is so patient that I think she would be a great person to do work for people.  Here is something she did for me for a hair styling contest...

it is great and pretty and I love it and this kind of art makes me want to get tattoos :)

I also love this drawing. I found it on a friend's blog and think it is so neat and that is my prayer as well.  I can see myself looking in all directions to be satisfied and find joy and then the Lord taking my eye in His hands and setting it on Him. How beautiful a picture!!

there are also tons more picture I love from when my sister, mom, and henry came to visit. You can find them on my sister's blog!!

also, to be honest. it sounds mean but the weirdest part about leaving college and being graduated is how quickly you forget about people!! this past weekend i was hanging out with some friends who are still at taylor and they were mentioning people that i forgot existed. it just goes to show how quickly our lives pass us by and how little we are in the big scheme... we think we are such a big deal and then we end up not being at all! 

my prayer

this is my prayer right now. so it may be a bit personal but this is my blog so i can do what i want on it :) how i am doing is so clearly reflected through what i am praying. so here it is.

Jesus, thank you for the way that you love me. that your grace is so plentiful and that you delight in giving it. that i shouldnt feel guilty for receiving grace from you, that it doesnt mean that i am using you, it means that you love to be intimate with me and i am so broken so that is the way you can make it owrk.  i want to live in affection for you jesus. i want to pour my heart out for you everyday and in everything that i do. jesus let me do nothing out of selfishness but just out of love for you.  god, my need for you is so great and i cannot get enough of you. you are my best friend and i long for a deeper relationship with you and that i will not confuse what you are saying with my own desires.  i pray for a purity over my relationship iwth you. that i can be honest with myself and others as bad as it makes me look or as silly as i feel.  let me not forget your mercy and let me not forget the secret moments that we have together.  you are good and thank you for the joy that you have been lavishing on me.  thank you for chicago and for brgining me here and providing for me here in every way possible. i want to love you with all that i am. all my heart mind and strength and let you be my purpose for everything. i am yours lord and thank you for loving me first.  that in your love i can begin to love you.  you astonish me. amen

Having my mom and sister here last weekend was great. I miss them so much already and I love how often I get to talk to them. I am so blessed to have a mom and sister that love me and that I love and that I genuinely enjoy being around! I loved seeing Henry too.  Being an aunt is so much better than I ever thought (I hadn't thought much about it ever but it is great)... Pictures coming soooooon

You owe me nothing, I deserve hell, but You've given me mercy!!

I love my roommate, Susan. She is so sweet and so british. I love when we hug and she sneaks in a kiss on the cheek. I want to do that when I hug people because I think it is nice but I am kind of all over the place,  I am scared I would accidentally end up kissing someone on the lips or smoochin someone I shouldn't (like my teacher or boss or something).

She owns a spa and we were just talking about the industry and how we can relate on that level. She was talking about a guy she knows and how he is trying to really remove himself from the world.  I think that is great and I want to be set apart this side of eternity and not partake in a lot of things that are going on in the world because so much is so messed up and perverted (not only in a sexual sense but all kinds of gifts God wants to give us that we abuse and use wrongly).  As she was talking about it she was saying how this guy she knows kind of looks down on her being in the spa setting.  It was so freeing to talk to her about it and how hard it is...  Going throughout each day in the world is hard. I am constantly having to ask the Lord if the things I am saying are pleasing to Him, if I am handling myself in a way that brings Him honor, and that I am always careful about what jokes I laugh at and how I treat the people around me.  Don't get me wrong... I LOVE THE PLACE AND POSITION GOD HAS BROUGHT ME AND I WOULD NOT TRADE IT FOR THE WORLD. I FEEL FREEDOM IN IT AND COMPLETELY ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CAN BE MYSELF AND CAN FEEL GOD'S PLEASURE OVER ME IN IT, but it isnt a bed of roses (is that the right saying??). It is hard and at times I don't want to go to school and I just want to hang out with my friends that encourage me and pray for me all the day long, but I am so grateful that God, in His grace and mercy, trusts me with this.  What an honor!

Other than my emergency phone call game (previous blog) I thought of another one... Price is right CALORIES.  It's just like the Price is Right but instead of prices of items it would be calories in foods.  The only thing wrong with this is that no one cares OR people care too much....

That's all I have for now. Love ya, Carolyn (aka Hasbro)